guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
