I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
