Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
