Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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