dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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