Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
