oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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