we have pet lesbian snakes
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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