I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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