Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
