your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
