i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
