we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
