Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
