I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
