Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize