I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
