mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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