with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
