she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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