Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
