While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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