go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
