just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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