i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
