apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize