Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
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