marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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