I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize