: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You've changed since you got that strap on
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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