Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
