i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
