walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
