This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
