My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.