I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions