brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong