I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life