wrigley field is MILF paradise
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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