my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
