no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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