im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
