Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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