Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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