Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize