I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
