I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
