Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
