Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
