I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
