I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
