I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
