Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
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He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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