i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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