Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
