I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
