my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
