Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
