yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
