i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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